Today, my goal is to measure everything I put in my mouth, and record it in Lose it. I'm not restricting myself today, just making an accurate log. So far, I've learned that I've been using entirely too much coffee creamer. I measured out a tablespoon, and it barely lightened my coffee. I like my coffee super light, and I drink 2-3 cups a day. I've probably been consuming about 150-200 calories a day in creamer alone. That's 12% of what lose-it says my calorie intake should be for the day! That's crazy. It's really easy to just add on calories without even thinking about it.

Pull the trigger, and the nightmare stops...

http://www.upworthy.com/this-dude-just-used-jelly-beans-to-convince-me-to-live-my-life-to-the-fullest-2

That quote and this video have been hugely inspiring to me the last couple days. I realize that the quote in the title could be interpreted as super negative, and suicidal... and that's probably even how it was intended. I've been thinking of "pulling the trigger" more in terms of taking some fucking action already. Most of the problems in my life have been caused by my anxiety over taking the first step. In anything really... often, doing nothing is less stressful than the idea of choosing wrongly, or failing at something I care about. This causes what I like the call a vicious hate-spiral of disappointment. And the more angry I get at myself for failing to do something, the less likely I am to get something done.

Welp, as the video points out, time is short. And I plan on making the short amount of time that I have to myself amazing. I'm pulling the trigger on a bunch of things, from going back to school, to expanding my business.

Here's the link the Coheed and Cambria song that quote is referencing. Listen to it. It's amazing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=auSpP09UKnQ

HANKROLL'd - YouTube

I've been listening to a VLOG brothers playlist whilst arting. I came across this:

HANKROLL'd - YouTube:

'via Blog this'

This is the best thing I've seen today. It earns the Air Seal of Approval.

... Ugh, ... just ugh.

I have not posted here for about 2 months. In that time, I have taken all of the progress that I'd made, and thrown it away in a flurry of bingeing and anxiety. It's left me shaky, antisocial, and extremely unsure of myself. But I am starting to improve. I went to my primary care doctor, after years of avoiding it, to find out what was going on with all the random, sometimes debilitating aches and pains that I've been experiencing. I finally started going to a therapist, which I've been putting off for most of my adult life. I was able to recognize that my feeling that I would spend all this effort in therapy and not change, still feel like I've always felt is extremely irrational.

I'm still struggling with the idea that all I need is the right program, or the right weight loss journal or to read the right blog, or quote... and something will just click for me, and the weight will just fall off. I need to shed the idea that it will just... HAPPEN for me. I need to work at it, and it's not going to be easy. I work in a place where I am constantly stressed, and constantly surrounded by food that I turn to in times of stress. The way I've been behaving recently, I've made it automatic to myself that feeling stressed should lead to stuffing myself with ice cream. I've caught myself holding a cup of ice cream with a spoon to my mouth, not knowing how I got there... the way you can be almost home, but not remember the drive. 

I'm not entirely sure how to beat my ice cream fugue, how to stop thinking about food for most the day (when I'm going to eat next, what I can have and cant have, why I want the things I cant have, why I should be able to have it...), or how to stop the compulsive nature of most of my food decisions. But I weighed  myself this morning and I'm almost 210 pounds. I've gained 18 pounds in 2 months. This far, no further. 

Internet Explorer, a forbidden love affair

As some of you might know, I make crafty things, and sell them, sometimes. My latest (and by far, most successful) venture is body products... mostly fun novelty soaps, as well as scrubs. I love making them... and I'm also pretty fond of selling them. The packaging part in between was never my favorite. To aid in this, I was buying Avery labels, using their online Design and Print function in Firefox, and then attempting to print them out.

I say attempting because the first couple would come out OK...











And then then next row would edge up...








And the row after that would move up 2 cm like it was trying to be one with the label above it



.


It was understandably very frustrating. I would get maybe 4 usable labels off a sheet of 12. It was a giant waste of time and money. I researched the topic, and I couldn't really find a sane solution. It was either adjusting the printer settings on the Avery site (which I'd spent hours on, and didn't work), or use Internet Explorer.  How was that even an option? It's hated, and filled with viruses... and possibly monsters.

Fast forward to now... I'm starting to sell more, and I have a bunch of craft shows to plan for. As I also work a busy full-time job, and do freelance work... time wasting is not an option. I decided that Internet Explorer was worth a shot. And praise everything... it goddamn worked. All of these labels are usable, with minimal cutting necessary. This is a thing of beauty.

I'm sorry Internet Explorer. I was wrong to judge you. But I still love Google Chrome more. It meets all of my other needs. But when I need to print more labels, I'll be around again.

It's been such a lazy day...

That I've been horribly unproductive. Most of it was spent on the couch, munching baby carrots and grape to motors, and playing the cave. I did need to relax, but now I have a large to do list, and only 1 thing crossed off. I figured posting my to do list here, and then putting pictures up when I complete each item would help.

1. Make and package 4 pairs of earrings.

2. Make and package new rainbow soap.

3. Make and package new Easter soap.

4. Make and package 3 necklaces.

5. Prepare 2 bags of veggies for work tomorrow.


Only 5 things might not seem like much, but each item is time consuming.

Jenna Marbles is my spirit animal